after he gulped the last bottle of beer, and lighted his last piece of cigar for that day, he easily responded by puking on the roadside. i was there when he fell on his knees, i was present when vertigo is around him. i thought he was laughing, he usually makes fun on the state of mind he is presently with. But my mistake was easily revealed when tears rolled down his face. he began to recite the same antics he usually claims when he kids around, yet tonight it is very much different. despair is in his smile. he pretended to fake even the pointless look in his eyes. he had enough! a full blown of depression was hitting him yet he still reserved a smile. Im proud of him. he never gives up!
what drives his sanity? is it his willingness to accept the harsh reality that is equated by the consequence of his actions? then he laughed, a pretencious one. "tol, ganito lang ba talaga ang buhay?", "hangang dito na lang ba talaga tayo?", i returned a slight nod, i staired at him directly "oo pero kahit anong mangyari, may bukas pa!", he politely nod in return, i cried. i felt his emotions as if it was mine. instead of equating the formula towards anger, i was amazed that he focuses on the joy of life instead.
we stared at the moon, blankly he anticipate my thoughts, but no words where uttered. slow to speak i pat his back to comply, " all in the days work my friend all in the days work." He smiled.
plainly it was visible that his heart-ached was still un-amended. it was so visible that even a slight movement from his lip depicts the reason why he is on his drunken state now. my friend was be wildered, troubled by the fact that he is torned between someone who loves him whole-heartedly and another who can never love him back! a position which was pre-occupied by most of the people i know, one time in their life or another. this situation he is facing is not new even to me, for i myself was once settled on the sole of the shoes of a troubled love. a dillema i myself could not answer way back then. But tonight does not purtain to the issues of my heart, tonight this is his night. finally he uttered this words. "bakit ba ganito ang mundo?", he verbally responded as he tried to shout in a conspicuous manner, "bakit ba pilit pinag lalapit ang dalawang taong di naman nagtutugma sa pananaw at prinsipyo?, baket tayong mga tao ay hinahayaan mahulog sa sarili natin mga patibong, ang mga sariling hukay na mismong tayo na rin ang gumawa!". there was a bit of a smirk written slightly on my face for i was once also denied by the answer to that same question. but as a mere listener i tried not to let it be seen, for it might signal the end of our pour-out conversation. i was there only to be a listener, a trusty companion, so to speak.
this conversation was not on our plan, at exactly 6:15 he texted me, and invited me to have a "one-beers" to our usual hang-out in malate. there we met at 8:00 pm and enjoyed our one on one company until now.
closing time was ahead us so we decided to continue our drinking conversation else where,as we walk-by the establishments of malate. often we pause for a pee or a stick for two. but as we passed this alley he paused to puke on the road side. i initially assist him and he thank me as he replied. "tol ganito nalang ba talaga tayo?, gigising ng tanghali, at kinagabihan ay mamamakyaw na naman ng pulutan!" clearly he is in the state of soberless-witiness but i replied politely, "pare kung yan lang ba ang gusto mong gawin araw araw e, talagang ganito nalang tayo" he smiled at me hugged me as if i am the one needing an assistance and claimed "masarap limutin ang problema pag nakakainom ka pero pag dating ng araw, maubos mo man lahat ng alak sa mundo, malalaman mo rin na hindi ito ang solution dito", that replied of him made me smile i knew to well that he had that much drink and he is only uttering this words just to tell me that he is still in the position, so that he can drink some more. a manly gesture which i myself questions-"why & what for?" but like a fellow brother i motion myself to be his guide towards he’s house, slowly we walk the streets in a crooked motion watching the people pass us by. we rode the streets with our soles and feet. by then we reach our destinations and bid our goodbyes! "he gladly, wave and uttered his farewell and last reply" as he walked home he said to himself "this is it,goodbye cruel world time to die…"
i never knew it was our last conversation, if only i had listened, not with my ears but my heart i could have save him. i never knew that our puny little conversation was his last, ever since that day i never drank a single liquor in my life, i knew it will never bring him back, but maybe, just maybe my soberness will save someones life… & it could be mine…
