My Blog

Every rain that pours, every sun that shines even the lightning that devides-pounders my every move, but what can really control our emotions. is it the bitter sweet symphony called life? or is it the human emotions tremored by death. Or is the love and hate in between that divides. yes this is the life. the life that makes us whole. the lifeless ordinary, plain and simple,  the entertainment of the GOD’s the food for there soul. This is the quiet things that creeps us, the chills that makes us. the bind that builds us. this is the life we take the pills we make and the air that has been. the smoking emotion exposing to our death. and one way or another we become the succession to one single wager–death!

be happy

live eternally

die young.

–cayio_kill

i dont remember!, these are the words which everyone of us, would wish to utter if we would like to delete something in our memory, many might even engaged on pursuing the procedures and method in this said movie, in order to eliminate or destroy any given facts implanted in our brains, a non surgical procedure called - memory. it maybe our fears, lost dreams, a death or loss of a love one or a rediculous moment that you pray to the gods - wishing it never happened. the denying fact which everyone wishes to eliminate but instead keeps eluminating in our heads over and over again. yes! i have a few - MILLIONS but that doesnt stop me from living the life i have! for i know that i enjoy the life GOD gave me, the life i lived and even if he took my single, pathethic, ego-sentric life which i am breathing, i would still be smiling. why? for i know that every decision i took, He is looking at me- saying "son, you might stumble, bruise your hands and knees but still you lived your life, proud and fearless"- and as the old saying goes "the only thing in this life quite regretting is the risk you fools didnt take! live every moment as if life is gonna pass you by! breath as if its your last and play the game hard- dont friggin quit! it is better to lose your life standing up, rather than begging for it on your knees. -cayio_kill

tila di natin maiiwasang bangain ang pilit nililimot na nakaraan, habang walang humpay na nakikipag laro sa tadhanang kinahaharap ngayon, pero sa bawat desisyon na ating pinipili iisa at iisa lang ang taong maapektuhan nito, oo ikaw! ikaw lang at ikaw lang- wala ng iba, ito ang mga desisyon natin sa buhay na buong buhay natin bibitbitin habang tayo’y tumanda, pasan pasan sa ating likod bawat pawis - hirap -dusa lugmok at kawalan ng pag asa… buti nalang kahit dag-dag pasanin ka… kahit kailan  hinding hindi ka naging pabigat! kat salamat! - cayio_kill

it can be a deceitful tool
for fools to fall in love haphazardly
it may seem - incongruous
or may even vaguely feel real
can be uttered - dearly
yet, as i say, anyone can state it, anyone can claim it,
but few people can prove it. the lines of love!
the phrase easily uttered (and abused) by millions
lucky are the ones who can speak it, but luckier are those who actually truly feel it
but the richest of them all- are the people who live their entire life knowing they never cheated their way . resting on their death bed uttering the words:
  if my life would come to an end
  with every breath that i must
  say that it would still be you
  till the day i turned to dust.

- cayio_kill

"Ocean Avenue"

There’s a place off Ocean Avenue

Where I used to sit and talk with you

We were both 16 and it felt so right

Sleeping all day, staying up all night Staying up all night

There’s a place on the corner of Cherry Street

We would walk on the beach in our bare feet

We were both 18 and it felt so right

Sleeping all day, staying up all night

Staying up all night

If I could find you now things would get better

We could leave this town and run forever

Let your waves crash down on me and take me away

There’s a piece of you that’s here with me

It’s everywhere I go, it’s everything I see

When I sleep, I dream and it gets me by

I can make believe that you’re here tonight

That you’re here tonight

If I could find you now things would get better

We could leave this town and run forever

I know somewhere, somehow we’ll be together

Let your waves crash down on me and take me away

I remember the look in your eyes When I told you that this was goodbye You were begging me not tonight Not here, not now We’re looking up at the same night sky And keep pretending the sun will not rise Be together for one more night Somewhere, somehow

If I could find you now things would get better We could leave this town and run forever I know somewhere, somehow we’ll be together Let your waves crash down on me and take me away

what happen to us? the same beast who reaps the soul swirl within us, the same shady figure that stalks us which brings chills and spooks to our spines through his hallucination and nightmares.  Is this lustfull being conives with our inner inhibition, our passionate desires disrupts the inner reality that strikes us back and makes us alive, it kills humanity, it kills the heart it worships sin… it destroys the soul. every urge pulled every lust lingers,very vanity molded. the same perssimons that depicts our reality, the truth that we should live and to be happy of being alive. yes this is our fate dbattle of the souls are within us, the quest for truth and justice interferes with the wickedness and purity of ones carnal desire… a desire to be desired a desire to be left alone a hope to breath for just once more. is this worth it? as he raise his wrist and pull the blade that signals his presence, from reality… to none… ‘dont think so

rest and peace

i dont expect…

hindi din ako

nag aabang…

hindi ako umaasa..

hindi ako naghahangad…

o nagyayabang man lang…

di ako humihingi… pero humihiling

ganyan naman talaga ang buhay diba?

hindi ka dapat umasa, hindi ka dapat maghintay

humiling ka lang na sana masaya ka sa buhay na iyong tinatahak

pero diyos ko po LORD sana siya na nga!

It seems a bit absurd, the feeling you get on the things that you face day by day. the feeling of a monotonously -heavy voice fixated to your good ear, like a repeating echo which shutters your very core. what is more amusingly painful is that you feel everything BUT you know it is NOT there! that simple feeling of lonliness, post mortem depression so to speak, picture this -you are on a crowded place yet it seem you are left all alone. You know every single one in the room but you feel nothing! yes my friend that is the same torment you feel when you fall on the lair of depression, and what scares me the most is that when you fall you hit hard!-so hard that the excruciating fall maintains its numbness, the everclear feeling that resounds to you again and again, that all of a sudden you feel nothing. What you will hate about it the MOST is that you dont know what to do about it at all! THE BLACK HOLE OF EMPTINESS- so neat that you feel agitated, so silent you feel the noise, so monotonously blank! and all you here with people who realy are concern for you is blah blah blah blah blah… this shit is what i felt every single day and the cure? i think there is still no known cure… YET! no amount of love nurture by the family, no single amount given by friends, no element in this world can cure these illness, it is within me and it remains there, brooding its way to my soul! what maintain as my medical treatment is the thought that someone is selfishly and willing, to watch me suffer as i die, thanks and i love you. im forever greatfull to myself.

Fill her

you don’t need to live
it seems a bit naive
no need to disagree
or seek my history
you’re staring at my soul
my sanity you stole
but then i knew all along
that anything would go wrong
though i can see you i can feel you
i’m so glad you opened the door
and when i get near all my fears disappear
and i won’t be alone anymore..

-eheadZ

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